Thoughts Revised.

On Saturday, I went to check if Pakistani High Commission lowered the National Flag here in Kuala Lumpur. Yes indeed, they did.

On a different thought, I have always tried to blind myself when it comes to militants and extremists. I have tried to believe it’s only a bubble in the air created by media, west and our own government because no Muslim can actually go to certain limits where they become suicide bombers and kill innocent people. I have lived in Pakistan from Karachi to the remote rural areas as well as I had friends/neighbors who were/are from Balochistan, NWFP and even Afghanistan. All of them had always condemned to the strongest to any such act if it ever happened on any part of the world.

But I had to question my reasoning very recently. I was watching online news of Benazir’s assassination when this Iranian student came to the floor, not my student though; he was there to see someone else when he saw the streaming video of news on my computer screen. I was shocked to hear his excited voice when he said “Alhamdulillah, she is dead”. WT*, how on earth you can say “Alhamdulillah” (Translation: “Thank God”) on someone’s death? My actual conversation with him lasted little longer but more I spoke to him the less I wanted to.

Later I felt maybe these extremists do exist, perhaps not as much as portrayed on media but they do. An educated Muslim who is privileged to visit and study in different country hold so much hatred in his heart for someone he don’t really know, but only because he has seen her giving some comments in favor of west. Then I am sure there must be more and stronger hatred in some black hearts.

Benazir Bhutto Killed.

I am shattered over the news. I was never a fan of Benazir Bhutto (or Mr. Sharif for that matter, or any other political leader in Pakistan) but this is just beyond my wits. I am out of words. This is inhumane, and I fear the worst, Pakistan is certainly not going into a right direction.

Ultimately, she has become one of those who have given their life for the country, far better then all of us who sit back and bark but never in our life do something about it. Differences apart, this is a great loss to Pakistan which can never be filled, she represented millions from Pakistan and she was hope for millions too. All those fellow country men have lost their final hope.

A jinxed family perhaps, un-natural death hunts them.

I am in office, couldn’t sleep last night, and cant concentrate on work. I will only be able to post this when I get home.

I am not happy, I don’t know what to write.

Oh Allah, have mercy on us as a nation, on Pakistan , on the deposed and her family. We beg for your forgiveness and compassion, and guidance, and patience. Help us. Help us. Help Pakistan.

I have forgotten

I have literally forgotten how to blog, how to write. How to collect thoughts, how to dream. How to sit back and think, think about various things, how to feel – I have forgotten how to feel. I have lost it. I can not let my fingers do the job anymore, like just open the word editor and let them play with the keyboard, let them convert the thoughts into words effortlessly, without telling them how to. Now they rest on keys, stay idle. When I look at them surprised, why aren’t they typing, they look back at me – equally surprised. We both know we have lost it, we acknowledge, we struggle, we cry. There used to be ideas, feelings, thoughts, emotions and now, there are events and vague happenings, repetitions.

Random Randlings

One of my major problem in Malaysia is the normal barbers don’t understand English very well, okay; actually they only understand few words. So in my case, they only grasp the words such as ‘short’ and ‘small’, but they miss the whole ‘how’ part. The result – is obvious, I am ALMOST bald after every hair cut.

On a different note though, one of the things that I like in Malaysia is the no ‘Tip’ culture. Neither they ask, nor do you offer, in some cases offering tip is even offensive.

Yesterday we bought a fridge which was long due too and the reason was no one was at home to receive it when the delivery people will come, so since I still have few days off we decided to get it done and finally bought it yesterday. Its 259 liters, SHARP, should be enough for 2 people I hope. I will have to stay up for few more hours till they deliver it.

Oh and by the way, all these years I used to think Sydney Sheldon was actually a ‘Lady’, only few days ago I found out ‘He’ is actually a guy and very old one too. (Yeah I am ignorant, so what, I never liked his novels anyway)

Continuing on showbiz, I am waiting for the weekend so hopefully I can watch Amir’s ‘Taare Zameen Per’. Reviews are fantastic and since it is Amir I hope the movie will be a nice one.

A post

• I met few Pakistani’s here on Eid. Most of them because one way or the other, they knew my brother. Spent little time with them and yet once again I was forced to admit that most Pakistani’s I meet are ‘Pessimistic’. They are un-happy. They are earning far more then they would in Pakistan and even more from most people here, but they have their reasons to blame Pakistan as well us the system here. Interestingly enough then they have list of constraints (or I shall call them choices) of what they want to do and what they don’t. Like the world was actually created for them as the Kings. Anyway. I feel it’s for my own good that I spend my time rather alone or with someone else but Pakistani’s, I have never felt hopeful, optimistic after such meetings.
• From past few days whenever I go out I see many beautiful lights and decorations for the coming X-mas, and every time when finally I see those beautiful decorations I realize I should have brought my camera. So yes, till today not a single picture to share.
• Golden Compass was simply a waste of my $11. When I watched the advertisement of the movie it looked nice adventurous one, full of special effects and all. But honestly, its not even worth to watch for free. Sigh.

Update

• Who on earth travels from one city to another just to have a lunch? And a lunch that costs $200? Oh well, that’s us. It was a long promised treat, so finally threw it away just before my office friend was going back to India to get married.
  

• I had never experienced Autumn in a way that you can just stand there for 15 minutes and watch continuous fall of thousands of leafs, that too, in the middle of the city. And life is as busy as it always is. But for a dreamer like me I just couldn’t ignore the strange beauty it had to offer.
  

• There are many things at work which I am not satisfied with, but then again it is how it always is. I am little bit disappointed on some of the recent happenings and how they are being handled. Anyway.
  

• Eid is tomorrow here in Malsysia, my first Eid out side Pakistan. How I know its Eid is only because I can see in the calendar it is and it is a public holiday. Other then that I am still searching for a single ‘Bakra’ or a ‘Cow’ in the city.
  

• I am trying to avail some of my leaves, so I will be home and most probably just bored. Although I do have loads of work to finish, but knowing I am just so lazy I cant say if I will be finishing it in my leaves.

• Last night I suddenly remembered her and I cried as hard as I could. I miss her. But the more difficult part if the guilt and un-kept promises, and I know the time has gone. There is no way back and those un-kept promises will just hunt me down all my life.

Bits Wits

1. As a lecturer if you think you can finish some remaining work in your free time, forget about it. There will always be students, coming and asking about many things (assignments/projects/ideas/marks etc)
2. I think KLCC looks beautiful in a different way when it’s raining and top part of the towers is hidden in the clouds. I don’t know what to call it; its like two different kinds of creations are touching each other. One of which is man-made (towers) and another created by the Almighty (clouds).
3. It’s been a month and the pain in my toe is getting worse.
4. Eid and Christmas will be public holidays and I am utilizing some of the remaining replacement leaves as well as annuals. That means I will have some 10-12 days off and I have no idea what I will be doing.
5. Stephen R. Covey will be in Malaysia in March, I would love to attend his seminar but it’s ridiculously expensive, especially if I am just an individual. (PKR 45,000/- estimated, USD 755/- estimated and RM 2500/-)

Just the Update

Work from past few weeks has been stressful. Okay, No, sorry, not stressful, just that it was tiring and the amount of work was much more, I even worked on weekend making it continuous 12 days of work. Still I wouldn’t call it stressful, maybe because I have worked in more, much more stressful environments. And the trend is going to continue for few coming weeks, at least. I do have replacement leaves on 26^th and 27^th of December, and since 25^th is a Christmas, I will be having 3 continuous days off, but then again, I know most of the time I will be just bored.

In other updates I watched the movie ‘The Kingdom’ which was just okay. And I tried Kenny Rogers, since I don’t think they have a franchise I in Pakistan or at least I have never seen one, but the food sucked. It was more like eating a grass, and even the banana muffin wasn’t nice. I am still one of those who convert the currency in Pakistani Rupee when spending, so yeah that was a total waste of my $36.

More later, I am still sleepy and I am starving. So after posting this, I am driving to a near by restaurant for the breakfast/lunch whatever you want to call it.